Dreu Noctem


Reply to this topicStart new topicStart Poll

> The Lost Chronicles of Tamyr, Prologue
Lord Twitch
Posted: Sep 26 2006, 06:44 PM
Quote Post





Group: Dreu Noctem Player
Posts: 68
Member No.: 464
Joined: 9-December 05



4565 ADT Grand Republican Empire of Tamyr
People said the Tamyria was a lost city, some said it was a mortal god, some belive it was a male, some female( they all argued about it). What most people didn't know was that, Tamyr had a massive history. And I, the Great Chronicler Z'ale Rammtsal Kilonla Julan Bigster. And this is were the embarks.........

2535 BDT The Hostile Lands Of the Unknown
During the time of the ansesters, Tamyr was not even a speck of dust. Tamyr did not exist. There was only clans. They're were 78 clans. Only 4 of them were far superior. These 4 clans where called the Council of the Ironflame. They made the desisions for all of the clans. If one or more of the superior clan didn't agree with a idea, there would have a drinking contest. Their best warrior gets ready for the contest by putting on their armour and crew skilled for the drunkard so if he makes a mess they can be blamed for, or they can clean it up. When the warriors meet on the drinking field, there are four 60 letres of ale. The rules are,each man stands up and when the sun rises and the eagle cries the warriors start to drink, they cannot sit, last man stands he is the winner. The winning warrior's clan makes the desision. The other clans may not approve, but they obey the winning clan's desision, Even if it is not the best one.
Tamyr was born, Tamyr was a boy. He turned to the life as a shaman. He has so much influence to most of the clans. He convinced them to be one, to be unified. But some wanted to be left alone.........

.........Continued......to chaper 1...........


--------------------



I am putting in my two weeks notice, but I am too weak.
PMEmail PosterMSN
Top
Lord Twitch
Posted: Sep 26 2006, 06:45 PM
Quote Post





Group: Dreu Noctem Player
Posts: 68
Member No.: 464
Joined: 9-December 05



So what do you all think?


--------------------



I am putting in my two weeks notice, but I am too weak.
PMEmail PosterMSN
Top
Lord Twitch
Posted: Sep 26 2006, 06:47 PM
Quote Post





Group: Dreu Noctem Player
Posts: 68
Member No.: 464
Joined: 9-December 05



Oops wrong forum.... tongue.gif My bad.... ohmy.gif


--------------------



I am putting in my two weeks notice, but I am too weak.
PMEmail PosterMSN
Top
Phage
Posted: Sep 29 2006, 08:35 PM
Quote Post


Divine Asskickerologist


Group: DN Module Designer
Posts: 1523
Member No.: 117
Joined: 5-July 03



Too early to tell. Post Chapter 1 and see. Btw, don't be disappointed if there are lack of comments. I've had similar experience so I know smile.gif

Also, specify how 'harsh' my comments you want, if you wish. Right now I'm training my literary criticism skills so I can probably try my hand with yours. I'm going to use the Megatokyo system of critiquing, named the "Fujita scale" as the tornado. Those are:
F0 - Acknowledgement. You want ego boost. You got them.
F1 - General comments. I'll not say anything bad unless it's really really unpalatable.
F2 - Little bit more specific. I'm going to give some general pointers.
F3 - OK, getting intense. I'll not hesitate to blast things like stylistic issues. I'll also note if you have lots of typos.
F4 - Intense. I'd probably go into more specific points. If you're looking for an ego boost, don't do this - I won't hold back much.
F5 - Are you teh Phage or teh Grammar Nazi? Or at least, that's how it should be. I'm not likely to be able to spend much time going into the details, but expect some pretty specific criticisms.

I'm operating at F3 by default.

If you want me to start with the prologue, let me know.


--------------------
Veni, vidi, dormivi. - I came, I saw... I slept.
-----------------------------
Current writing project (on hold): The Hidden Depths
Check out A Guide to Divine Asskickery - DN Cleric Guide!
"Prestige classes are classes that every player would like their characters to have, but must first gain permission from Wizards of the Coast before their character can take one." - RPGA test
PMEmail Poster
Top
Strider
Posted: Sep 29 2006, 09:01 PM
Quote Post


PowerMuchkinGamer


Group: DN Module Designer
Posts: 1551
Member No.: 186
Joined: 9-January 04



We need more before anyone is going to comment much bud. smile.gif Give us a couple chapters. Remember my offer.


--------------------
Neil "Strider" Looby
DM Avatar: Zerroffe Traptripper
NWN Screen Shots Gallery
Dreu Noctem Characters

Sometimes you burn a bridge. Othertimes you have to napalm it.
PMEmail PosterUsers WebsiteICQ
Top
Emaleth_Donnelaith
Posted: Sep 29 2006, 10:31 PM
Quote Post


Dragonslayer


Group: DN Dungeon Mistress
Posts: 1835
Member No.: 59
Joined: 11-February 03



Ohh missed this one, sorry! Looks like an interesting start there LT.. keep at it!

Vic has some really great stories here on the forums too, so he's a good one for advice in my opinion. I'm bad on critique (meaning I don't have the experience or the right to..lol), more so on myself as I have never finished a couple of stories from the early 80's! :-) I enjoy reading them, so will just say as before....

Keep going and let's see chapter 1!


--------------------
My Alter-Ego's here on Dreu Noctem

DM Avatar - Miss Red Ruby Deelight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cuiusvis hominis est errare, nullius nisi insipientis in errore perseverare.
PMEmail PosterMSN
Top
Lord Twitch
Posted: Sep 30 2006, 07:15 PM
Quote Post





Group: Dreu Noctem Player
Posts: 68
Member No.: 464
Joined: 9-December 05



LOL.....Im writing chapter 1 now..it may take a couple of day, beacause im playing ES:IV Oblivion, I just bought it. tongue.gif


BTW Neil i remember your offer..... biggrin.gif


--------------------



I am putting in my two weeks notice, but I am too weak.
PMEmail PosterMSN
Top
Lord Twitch
Posted: Sep 30 2006, 07:17 PM
Quote Post





Group: Dreu Noctem Player
Posts: 68
Member No.: 464
Joined: 9-December 05



Oh and I was really tired when i typed this story.....REALLY tired.


--------------------



I am putting in my two weeks notice, but I am too weak.
PMEmail PosterMSN
Top
Phage
Posted: Oct 2 2006, 03:36 PM
Quote Post


Divine Asskickerologist


Group: DN Module Designer
Posts: 1523
Member No.: 117
Joined: 5-July 03



Um, you were tired when you were writing the prologue...


One advice I can say about that: story never flows well when you're tired. When inspiration strikes and you're too tired to write it out, make a draft and just write whatever in chaotic form; an unordered list works for me. When you're not tired, come back to this draft and write it out properly. Basically, never write when you're tired. You're not chasing a deadline ohmy.gif

This post has been edited by Phage on Oct 2 2006, 07:20 PM


--------------------
Veni, vidi, dormivi. - I came, I saw... I slept.
-----------------------------
Current writing project (on hold): The Hidden Depths
Check out A Guide to Divine Asskickery - DN Cleric Guide!
"Prestige classes are classes that every player would like their characters to have, but must first gain permission from Wizards of the Coast before their character can take one." - RPGA test
PMEmail Poster
Top
Lord Twitch
Posted: Oct 7 2006, 05:30 AM
Quote Post





Group: Dreu Noctem Player
Posts: 68
Member No.: 464
Joined: 9-December 05



lol.....okay i will. tongue.gif


--------------------



I am putting in my two weeks notice, but I am too weak.
PMEmail PosterMSN
Top
Phage
Posted: Oct 7 2006, 11:07 AM
Quote Post


Divine Asskickerologist


Group: DN Module Designer
Posts: 1523
Member No.: 117
Joined: 5-July 03



/me peers at title

"Lost Chronicles". This title is both cheesy *and* uninformative at the same time. It's probably suitable for use as a supertitle (that is, title of a series as opposed to a single story) but probably should be avoided for a single story as it *does* imply many stories.

Think about this... why is it lost? James Clemens, in doing his Wit'ch series gave a pretty nice, if cheesy, introduction on why his story flies in contradiction to what everyone know. A story with supertitle "Lost Chronicles" deserves no less. It could be a narrative of someone who hasn't been able to write about it until now, or because an ancient dragon suddenly decided that he'd had it with being poor (due to adventurers stealing his l3wt) and struck a deal with a publishing company, etc. Your introduction is a history statement. Perhaps your Great Chronicler can say why it's "Lost". Otherwise it's not "Lost" and chances are, ask any random non-epic bard on the streets without epic ranks in Knowledge (History) and he'd be able to recite any of this.

Just a thought.

For me, title is actually one of the last things I think about, especially if you don't know where the story is going. I typically decide on a working title about halfway through the story, and oftentimes I revise it after I finished the story. Do you know that while J.K. Rowling is working furiously on the seventh book of Harry Potter, she *still* has not yet decided on the title of the book? Granted she's down to two, but she still can't decide yet. ohmy.gif You can't get much more accomplished than that.

This post has been edited by Phage on Oct 7 2006, 02:14 PM


--------------------
Veni, vidi, dormivi. - I came, I saw... I slept.
-----------------------------
Current writing project (on hold): The Hidden Depths
Check out A Guide to Divine Asskickery - DN Cleric Guide!
"Prestige classes are classes that every player would like their characters to have, but must first gain permission from Wizards of the Coast before their character can take one." - RPGA test
PMEmail Poster
Top
Lord Twitch
Posted: Oct 7 2006, 03:02 PM
Quote Post





Group: Dreu Noctem Player
Posts: 68
Member No.: 464
Joined: 9-December 05



Ya I thought is sounded cheesy......Hmmmm...good advice.


--------------------



I am putting in my two weeks notice, but I am too weak.
PMEmail PosterMSN
Top
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
« Next Oldest | DN: The Siren's Call Tavern - In Character Discussion | Next Newest »

Reply to this topicStart new topicStart Poll

 



[ Script Execution time: 0.0255 ]   [ 11 queries used ]   [ GZIP Enabled ]